Oops! I did it again.

September 20, 2004 | Justin

Every now and again it seems as if our world turns upside down–maybe even inside out. And now, in the middle of September, with seven weeks left until the presidential election and eleven until the end of hurricane season, the world has flipped–or is it flopped?

In case you haven’t heard, the once dubbed “Pop Princess” has officially married… again. A few days ago Britney Spears married some guy in a private “family only” ceremony. I wonder if the guy she got married too while she was drunk in Vegas was there. That would be interesting. I also wonder why it was considered “family only.” You think Britney would be trying to clean up her image. I mean, a kiss with her new husband is probably going to pick up better press then a kiss with Madonna. Wait, who am I kidding? Anyway, the fact that Britney is again married is going to kill her career–not that she really has one anymore, but you know, its all relative. I can see her trying to ride on “The Newlyweds” coattails and try to get a show of her own, but face it, Britney just isn’t as stupid as Jessica Simpson. So Britney, sorry to say, but your time has come and gone.

BREAKING NEWS:
This just in exclusively to Lone Palm Creations, President Bush makes deal with God to prevent further hurricane devastation in Florida.

LPC has just unearthed a memo written by God to Mother Nature. The exclusive document explains how God agreed to stop sending hurricanes into Florida in order to help President Bush get reelected. LPC has verified God’s signature in the memo as authentic based on past memos in our archive. Here is the document in its entirety:

Expect more on this breaking story as it develops, and remember you heard it here first.

In other news, McDonald’s France has hired on the Olsen Twins to be their new spokes-ah-twins. The two and only, newly legal, Mary-Kate and Ashley will not only be trying to sell the McArtery-Cloger to their millions of French fans, but they will also be putting Mary-Kate and Ashley toys in French Happy Meals. Ok, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Mary-Kate just take a ride in rehab because of an “eating disorder?” I guess McDonald’s doesn’t care. Maybe the French don’t either. But does anyone else find this a little strange. I wonder what happens when someone goes from being anorexic to eating McDonalds all the time. The guy from Super Size Me should look into that. Here is the premise: Take little anorexic Mary-Kate Olsen and follow her around for a month, only allowing her to eat McDonald’s food. I think she would explode. It’d make millions. And hey, its not like the world would be any worse off, we’d still have Ashley.

This just in: LPC can no longer say with great certainty that the document produced earlier is authentic. We are very sorry for this very unfortunate turn of events and in no way intended to mislead the public or affect the presidential election. In our defense, Dan Rather gave the memo to LPC and personally assured us that John Kerry assured him the memo was indeed authentic. Again, LPC is sorry for this.

Ok, so Bush didn’t make a deal with God and Dan Rather didn’t give us any memo. But let me say this about the upcoming election. I could care less about what Senator Kerry did or didn’t do in Vietnam. Likewise, I don’t care whether or not President Bush got special treatment in getting into the National Guard. This election should be about what the person will do as President of the United States of America. Bush has four years of experience under his belt and, like it or not, he is running on it. Kerry has twenty years of experience in the US Senate but is he running on that? No, of course not, that would be silly. What is more important, of course, is the four months Kerry spent in Vietnam thirty years ago. Listen people, there is only a short time left before the election. The debates are just around the corner. Make your decision on who to vote for based on policy and not the mudslinging and crap that doesn’t really matter. And if you are eligible to vote, but aren’t registered, October 4th is the deadline to do so.

Finally, I just celebrated my twenty-second birthday; I am currently one sixth of the way through my senior year here at Florida State University and have absolutely no idea what my “Service Operations” class is all about. Test in there on Thursday. I think I’m going to try and figure out just what it is.

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Britney Spears, celebrities, election, Olsen Twins, politics, thoughts