Reality TV Bites

This post was written by guest author, Andy Gately.

Ok, so Justin’s last article about Pop Culture got me inspired to write about something that bothers me about “PC”. Reality TV is the devil. To those of you who enjoy it, enjoy yourself. Please continue your downfall into a pit of miserable lamedom (not a word but I am just so upset). I, however, feel the need to rant.

I was flipping through the channels this evening and saw a disturbing site. About 10-12 children of ages of 7-14 were performing a medley of sorts on the “American Idol for Kids Show.” I don’t know the real name and I don’t care too either. These kids looked like soulless little shells prancing about the stage. I can just see their mother, who in first appearance is a wonderful gal, while back stage and off camera she is forcefully cramming Vaseline into her kid’s mouth so they are smiling while on stage. Something says in my head, “When you need a mouth full of Vaseline to make you look like your having a good time, you’re probably not having a good time.” And all while this Vaseline feast is going on, she is giving some inspirational advice such as, “If you fail you will regret it for the rest of your life,” or “Do good. Mommy needs a new car.” You know what mom, get a job that involves you working and not making your child look like some circus freak and buy your own. These kids should be singing Jingle Bells with the raunchy Batman and Robin Lyrics, not some song written in the 1970’s at Motown.

Another Reality TV trend that bugs the crap out of me is these dating shows. Especially the ones with multiple people on a date or the ones where people are offered millions to date. Let’s tackle the first of the two evils. The part about these shows is the nasty competition that develops. I don’t know about you men out there, but the last thing I want is some bitchy girl that is rude to another human being the first time they meet each other. I mean some of these girls are so disgusting to each other while on these dates. It’s like Soft Core Jerry Springer. And who is to say that when the guy introduces his new girlfriend to his mother that the girlfriend treats the guy’s mother like she is some hooker at some brothel.

Now to the million dollar dating–or crap as I like to call it. That’s just sick and twisted to do to people. That whole Joe Millionaire thing was horrible. I get sad thinking about how some construction worker and former wrestler like Joe can lie to these women about being rich. But then I see how the women act and how shallow and fake they are on the show and I think to myself, “They deserve it.” If this is what love is all about send me to Tibet and call me celibate.

And for the piece de r’sistance, The Anna Nicole Show: “How a Fallen Porn Star Spends the Rest of Her Sick, Sad, and Pathetic Life.” I wish to God someone would pay money to film me eating and drinking all day long and being a complete and total moron. Seriously, do not watch this show if you care anything about your mental capacity. I felt like I needed to go back to the first grade after watching 2 minutes of it. How is some glutton who moans and whines all day that hangs with her lawyer and butch assistant entertaining? Saddest part of the show is that she has a son. Some boy has to claim that as his mother. It’s heart breaking. Oh why E! Why?!?

You know I don’t what makes me sadder about the whole Reality TV thing. The fact that people exist in the world that are like the people on these shows, or that people exist that actually sit and spend an evening watching this stuff. I know it’s hard coming up with something funny every week for a sitcom episode or a drama. But we have been doing it since the dawn of Television. People were writing shows on typewriters. Not huge PC with Microsoft Word. TYPEWRITERS!! Has the TV writing profession become a joke or is there just no talent anymore? Will no one create a new sitcom or drama? You know I could deal with the Real World. I could deal with Survivor. You know I even find myself taking a gander at The Osbournes now and again. But once the door was kicked open and the flood of American Idol, Joe Millionaire, The Mole, Fear Factor, and all the rest of the mindless, senseless, visions of warped society that Hollywood has deemed “entertainment” came a’ pouring out that door, that’s when I just decided to put the remote down and throw my TV off a cliff.