Publix Fun
October 6, 2003 |
There once was a time when I worked a less, how shall I saw, rewarding job. I worked at Publix (for those not in the southeast USA, Publix is a grocery chain) for a good three years of my early life. I was sixteen, a sophomore in high school, and looking for money. So, I turned to the “we hire everyone” people of Publix. They signed me on as a bag boy, oh wait, I’m sorry, front service personnel (glorify it all you want I guess), and thus, I was thrown into the working world.
But, I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say I worked. Well, I did work at not working and I must say I was pretty good at that. Ok, let me lay it down for you. For a good majority of the time I worked, er, spent at Publix a good five or so of my friends from school were also on the payroll. We had that store wired. I could walk in there right now and tell you which isle’s have “dummy” surveillance cameras and which have actual ones. I know the managers routines, how much money the store takes in a day, I know… well, now that I think about it, I know some pretty valuable information for my friends in the crime business. But anyway, we used our knowledge for good, not ill.
I would start the day by clocking in exactly seven minutes late because the system worked so that it rounded to the closest seven minutes. Seven minutes late was rounded down to being on time. In turn, I would also clock out exactly seven minutes early; thus maximizing my pay per time spent.
A good majority of my on-the-clock time was spent in the parking lot, “getting carts.” This is where the magic happened; and by magic I mean trouble. We, my friends and I, often played a game in which we would dare each other to do things; we called it “I Dare You.” It started simple like set off our car alarms for a period of time or lie down in the road but then quickly evolved. I don’t want to say that I once got a guy (our valedictorian no doubt) to urinate in the parking lot bushes or that we collectively hung a cart vertically from the tree, but we did.
Though, sometimes we did actually do what we were in the parking lot to do, and that was get carts. One night, around Christmas time, two other guys and myself brought in 148 carts at one time. It was a train of carts about 20 parking spaces long and was a mother to push, but we did it’the managers didn’t like the fact that we had to stop traffic in front of the store to bring them in, but what did we care. Getting carts also meant walking around the block to make sure our carts didn’t wonder off to various bus stops, this was usually about a forty five minute venture.
After it got too hot to be outside, or if it was raining, or the managers were, I would return to the store and well, again do nothing. If I had been told to clean something, I would go back to the mop room. Now this place had this really cool chemical dispensing system for all the various cleaning supplies. No matter what I had been told to clean, I would mix up the same chemical solution which was taught to me by my friend the valedictorian. It consisted of glass cleaner, surface disinfectant, water, and floor stripper. Now the floor stripper chemical was solely to be used in these giant waxing machines because of it’s extremely hazardous to ones skin properties, but that was the secret ingredient, its what did all the dirty work. After about ten minutes of playing in the back, I would “clean” whatever I had been sent out the clean. No matter how small the task, I made sure the job took a good twenty minutes, even if it was just a window or something. A bathroom cleaning took a good hour and a half, a checkout lane, thirty minutes a piece. Though, the managers (who undoubtedly hated all of us) were notorious for giving us ridiculous cleaning tasks just to stay busy. These included cleaning the break room, cleaning the tile on the side of the building in front of the store, and yes, mopping the handicap parking spaces.
Another fun, and time consuming task, was a little thing called blocking. This was basically pulling all items on a particular shelf to the front so that it was a smooth block. I guess the wonderful managers thought that a more visually appealing isle would cause people to buy more food, who knows. Anyway, blocking took up a lot of time. Especially when you were blocking the paper towels so that your friend could lie down behind the stacked paper towels on the shelf and hit them out at people passing by. That was fun.
As you can rightly see, I did a lot of stuff other than actually servicing the front. Though, I did a lot of public service while on the clock at Publix. This included changing a tire for some old woman who didn’t know how, chasing a bank robber, and investigating a hit and run for a manager–even though he insisted that I didn’t and spend my time bagging instead. It’s a wonder I was never fired.
But alas, my time at Publix ended senior year when I moved on to bigger and better things–though, come to think I never actually quit, I just told the manager that hated me I got a new job. Now, I don’t encourage current employees of the “Where Shopping is a Pleasure” supermarket to take my former practices to action, I can’t be held responsible for that. But, do go and have fun. Create your own ways to spend your time and, above all, keep the managers under the impression that you are not only doing what you are supposed to but you are enjoying it.
Wayner
October 6th, 2003 | 4:09 pm
I, too, remember those days at Publix. Though my time with Justin was short, I was transferred to a brand new store, with a completely new staff (including new management). It wasn’t in my nature to slack off, but I soon learned that there was no real benefit to actually doing “work” as long as there are others who do. Eventually, I ruled my store, and likened myself to almost a “Ferris Bueller-esque” figure around the joint. Man, that job was awesome.
the ultimate bosox fan
October 9th, 2003 | 1:09 pm
yea so this has nothing to do with publix - but - my red sox are back in the postseason and beat the a’s after being down 2 games to none and like all redsox fans i myself knew they would find a way to blow it, but - derek lowe, mr reilable??? came through in the clutch and got the save and now they have beaten the yanks by finally exploding on offense so lets go redsox - get my hopes up as high as you can and then jsut crush me to nothing after to blow the lead - because i think we all know that it truly will be the end of the world if the cubs and red sox both make the series God himself will probably come down and be like “come on now you didnt really think i was gonna let this happen did you?”
Darren
October 26th, 2003 | 11:49 pm
Dude, your speaking the truth. all that still goes on…and we still get payed for it. oh i actually enjoy to hours of talking, playing pranks, and slacking, eating pineapple in the produce freezer, just standing and looking pretty, and of course the phone time on the cart hour…and best cart surfing….self explanitory. great article! looks like it hasent changed.
michael
November 16th, 2003 | 3:14 pm
Well I didn’t work at “pubix” -no typo- but a Winn-Dixie, also a southeastern chain. My first job making minimum wage. My coworkers (friends from school) and I would screw around every chance we got. I soon learned how to maximize my “on the clock” time too. I showed a love for economics early on, I guess. We baggers would do stuff like drinking milk in “the back” or letting kids from school buy booze and cigarettes, or hitting carts with our cars! Man just thinking about it makes me want to apply again….. well not quite!
max
January 3rd, 2004 | 4:53 pm
i too work at publix as a “front service clerk” the managers hate me and make me do the things i hate so i told a bunch of my office staff friends to tell the managers that they heard i hated blocking frozen,dairy and beer. so everyday for the past 2 1/2 months the make me block it they look so happy too tell me to do it. i feel sorry for them.
also like you and your friends we play a game called “kat game” we help the customer out and see how many times we can say meow for example “meow help you out” or meow have a good day/night” its great .. one of the reasons my boss hates me is because i was iin the mop room and i told him i saw something wierd in the drain so he bent down and i turned on the sprayer inside the drain and he got soaked i was suspened for 2 weeks ok thanks for the time sorry it took so long later by the wat keep up the good work
max genz
January 14th, 2004 | 10:07 pm
i want a job as a bag boy im 14 years old.
Wardi
February 5th, 2004 | 8:19 pm
GREAT ARTICLE….
Sounds like you had fun, write back
Caitlin
March 22nd, 2005 | 6:51 pm
I work for publix as a cashier and its the same things we all do at my store. Hey, if you have to be there make it fun!
Chris
August 17th, 2005 | 11:16 pm
sup yall, DUDE publix sux, lol but its fun too like saying sasquatch instead of certain things for example…”is sasquatch (plastic) ok?”, “did u find sasquatch (everything) ok?”, it fucking works every time… try that shit L8AS
Allion
January 23rd, 2006 | 11:33 pm
Hey everyone. Im 16 and I just applied for Publix. Does anyone know how much money ill probly be making an hour(if i do get the job). I think I’ll be cashier so hope its not too demanding and stressfull. well thanks for any help yall