I am a College Student

February 20, 2003 | Justin

The following is a chain email that was passed around awhile back. By the time it had reached my inbox, the email had traveled to nearly 100 different colleges. It’s pretty funny and, for the most part, true. Hope you enjoy.

I am a college student. I have a specific shower stall which I refer to as “mine” and my feet will never touch the floor of it

I am a college student. I try to rotate stalls in the bathroom so I can read all the material taped to the walls.

I am a MALE college student. I always have more than one condom on hand. Two on one night? Morning after? You never know.

I am a college student. I now fail to distinguish the difference in taste between water and beer.

I am a FEMALE college student. I own a sweater which resembles a bathrobe.

I am a college student. I didn’t get my homework done because the kid I share a book with wasn’t home last night to get it to me.

I am a college student. Drunken scrawling on my message board or late night drunken IM’s from friends across campus no longer perplex me.

I am a college student. Somebody keeps stealing my message board marker.

I am a college student. I pre-party in my room just so I will be drunk enough not to notice the sub-zero weather when I walk to the bar without a coat.

I am a college student. I pray for hotties in my classes so that I will have a reason to go to that class. I will, however, never talk to any of these hotties.

I am a college student. I can no longer remember what was cooked in those dirty dishes.

I am a college student. I have seen more than one party turn into a strip show.

I am a college student. My telephone number only has 4 digits.

I am a college student. I have spent nights on the floor because I couldn’t get up the ladder to my bed.

I am a college student. I see no problem fitting 2 people in one twin size bed.

I am a MALE college student. I know that a gentleman would let her sleep next to the wall. (It’s a long way to the floor.)

I am a college student. I will cross busy streets just to pick up what might be a quarter.

I am a college student. I want a girlfriend/boyfriend that disappears from 9pm-2am every Friday and Saturday night, reappearing undressed in bed with me when I get home.

I am a college student. Answering machine messages are a thing to be celebrated.

I am a college student. When I see movie trailers on TV, I say, “I can’t wait to RENT that”

I am a college student. Going “out to eat” no longer involves getting in a vehicle.

I am a college student. I don’t know half of my professors’ names.

I am a FEMALE college student. I use empty beer bottles for vases.

I am a college student. Christmas lights are a year-round decoration.

I am a college student. Laundry bags double as suitcases.

I am a FEMALE college student. I have worn my huge fuzzy slippers to the cafeteria at dinnertime.

I am a college student. Going to bed before 2:00 am is almost unheard of.

I am a college student. If it doesn’t look or smell dirty, even if it has been on the floor for 3 days, it can be worn again.

I am a college student. Nat Lite is a high class beer.

I am a college student. I am accustomed to asking, “Do you have a student discount?” wherever I go.

I am a college student. Going to early classes in my pajamas is fine.

I am a college student. Parties Wednesday through Saturday nights are never hard to find.

I am a college student. To get extra money, I sell my plasma, or my roommate’s CD’s.

I am a college student. I am a free loader.

I am a college student. 3:00 am trips to Wal-Mart are normal, and I am used to being tossed out of Wal-Mart drunk in the wee hours of the morning.

I am a college student. The only times that I eat breakfast are when I am still up from partying the night before…and Steak and Shake, Gladyss, Knights, or Waffle House–depends on what day of the month) is open and full of other drunk college students.

I am a FEMALE college student, but you will never see me on a College Girls gone Wild” video.

I am a college student. I am an easy target for cops.

I am a college student. I have cussed out the people on the floor above me for being too loud at 3:00 am.

I am a college student. I seldom make my bed.

I am a college student. I use milk crates for furniture and blankets to cover my window.

I am a college student. I enjoy seeing mail in my mailbox.

I am a college student. I have been to a TOGA party.

I am a college student. I have fallen down on campus before.

I am a college student. I plead to not drive whenever a group of us go out just so I don’t lose my parking spot.

I am a college student. I hate bike cops.

I am a college student…and love every bit of it!

I am a college student. I am not afraid to pop-a-squat behind bushes/trees on campus while walking between parties!

 

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